A come to Jesus moment.

Oh hey, Shabbat Shalom! I’m almost way too tired to write considering it’s been a long day since the crabs woke me up at 3-4am, I worked half the day, then working at the festival tonight…. I also had wine at our last event of the evening, so you all know what that means. I need sleep. Terribly. But… I didn’t want to forget my fresh feelings from tonight, so here goes…

Lesbian energy. Whew. That is something fabulous. There’s nothing better than being in a room full of lesbians who are very happy because they clearly love who they are and where they’re at in life (celebrating), therefore, putting out some great energy. I love it, I love it, I love it. How much is too much to express how much I loved being in a room full of lesbians?

We set up in the small room at the front of the library for our first panel which was romance. There were so many people–place was packed to the gills–and I was severely fighting claustrophobia. I had a black faux tux jacket and a thin velvet jacket on with a tank underneath. Trust me, it got so warm in there, I took 2/3 of those things off. I was almost still too hot but I had nothing more to strip out of – ha!

So… reading panels: holy guacamole…. was some of what was read from the authors smokin-hot. There were a few reads that I nearly lost my mind because it was borderline erotica-romance…but in the most classy of ways. And it was breath taking. There are a few authors I’d love their books because of the content. There’s one author that wrote about Jewish lesbians back in 1800s? early 1900s? something like that, and it’s driving me batshit crazy that I can’t seem to find the play that I read for TP’s 2020 SOAs, because it seemed like it was written from that same author. I will have to find my notes because I wrote down what each play was about with notes. Our creator read from her memoir about her first time with a woman. I love it. It’s so real and brave to share such intimate details. One of my favorites read a very juicy poem that was breath taking as well.

After that sesh was over, we cleaned up as fast as we could, and then broke for an hour and half of break. I walked to one of my normal places and ran into someone from the theatre. He asked me what I was doing and I told him and he said he didn’t realize I was part of the family. I was like, “What?” He meant LGBTQ. We talked through the whole time about our previous show, other shows, and such. After we ate, we said goodbye, and at the goodbye he said he didn’t realize that I was LGBTQ because I wasn’t anything particular (leaning one way or another to be stereotyped) … I was just being myself.

I walked back to the library and we continued the evening with wine and cheese. The authors–who could be there–were all introduced as well as our keynote speaker and our entertainment couple taking place at the CH tomorrow night. They gave such a beautiful teaser preview. It was so real that you could feel everything – one of them danced while the other spoke in poetry. Beautifully dramatic that brought out the feels.

I will have more to say Saturday and Sunday after I’ve seen more panels, but this whole writers panel thing is cool. I can’t believe I’ve never attended anything like this before. I went and saw Leslea Newman last year while she was at TBE, so that was a little different. I attended a reading for Sue Ellen Cooper (of the Red Hat Society) with Momma at Joseph Beth back home, but I don’t even remember it. I just know I have her book signed and a photo with us. Other than that, I really don’t think I’ve done anything….which is terrible considering once I redo my books and get some new ones done, I’m going to have to go out and do panels or readings or etc…. which is extremely frightening to me at the moment. And how do I say that after all the theatre I’ve done to get me out of the shell I’m in? I have no idea. I need to go back and grab some of that 2018 energy I had where I was practically fearless and felt I could do just about anything…. and I did.

Other Overall Thoughts: for this entire Friday event, I was thinking…. how much I belonged there. To this group. It’s the same feelings I had when I found Judaism and became Jewish. It’s a part of me… my whole life, it’s just taking me this long to come to the realization and admit to it and / or receive it as G-d gives it to me at this given time… for whatever purpose that might be… that as soon as I discovered Judaism, here I am, discovering yet another part of me and life is unraveling at the seams. Everything I had ever thought I’d known or felt I was–I wasn’t–I am finally becoming the authentic me. I feel a lot happier admitting that to myself tonight. Now that I’ve acknowledged it, now I have to continue on that path, and work towards becoming even more me.

Now, please pass me some of that strong lesbian energy, because I need it to fulfill some plans I’m about to do on a crazed whim that may bring my life to a crazy rollercoaster ride. We shall see.

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