Whoever has been sending me all kinds of get-shit-done, positive vibes and energy, I owe you a boat load of thanks.
Now that I’ve (for the most part) gotten my mental health and pain management under control with my CBD oil and not being on anything else… I have been kind of severely lacking of energy at times, so I got some Vitamins (don’t laugh at me, they’re the kids Flintstones ones) and adult chewy energy gummies. I think they’re working because I feel a little bit better and more energetic and go go go. I’ve also cut out a lot more of the bad food and traded it in for healthier, not that I didn’t do that before, but I was slipping. By using hemp oil and hair growth shampoo, my hair is finally growing out… my goodness I miss my long locks. If you ever want to cut your hair off – just don’t.
Due to all of this plus my inner changes, my mind is a lot clearer than it was and I’m able to be creative again in a writing different kind of form. Plus, the suggestion from a while ago to paper journal is working too, so thank [you] for that. I haven’t gone back to working on my failures–I got to 20 or something–and had to stop so I can work on something else… but it really helps digging up that old stuff and settling it. Being okay with failing only works if you know the reason you failed so that it works into success the next time. It’s almost like a karma cross out thing. I don’t know. Everything seems to be working in a weird mysterious way. Something’s happening, I just don’t know what.
But anyway, that’s not why I’m writing.
I dug out my finished plays to edit them. I’m glad I did, because I did not realize I had so many…. and here they are just sitting on the computer and not being circulated out in the world for production. I want my chance to be called a playwright, so I’m getting on that. There’s one local submission calling coming up and another in Seattle that is open to all subjects. So those two are on my radar for now. Both with March deadlines.
I don’t want to drop titles or subjects of my plays here just in case the readers/judges read my blog. I don’t want to give away anything. There’s one play that I wrote several years ago at the beginning of my theatre career, and after all of this time, I went back to it and I have all of the answers I was waiting on that stumped me. Amazing how that works. At the beginning I had too many scenes, I fixed it and redid it when I had my writer’s group, lost the written scripts with the notes, found the script in a safe place, lost it again, and never went back to it until now. There were a few plays that I wrote over the course of the beginning of last year and I fixed a lot that needed to be fixed. It’s also really creepy how I was just writing fiction (with a few pieces of truth to it) and the fiction just ended up being truth, or at least a good portion. I mean. That’s happened so many times, I’m almost afraid of writing anymore .. if things are going to come true like that. Gotta watch what I write. The genie delivers.
Anyway, I marked up 3 scripts today with red pen. I felt like I was back in English class. Up to 30-40 marks on each page, and I typed up all of the new changes. I still have about 5 more scripts to edit, but a few of those need a lot of help in between the pages, so those won’t be ready for a bit.
Also, journaling on paper is kind of helping me exercise keeping one thousand thoughts in one place. I have book notes, writing notes, personal notes and feelings and reviews all in one place… and I haven’t contributed to my iPhone notes or emails to myself habit for a while.
I’m currently reading a few books at one time (and that’s what a lot of my journaling thoughts are coming from): Liv Ullmann – Changing (I mentioned this a few entries back), Brian Weiss MD – Only Love is Real and then Fifteen American One Act Plays (c.1960s).
I’m reading Fifteen American One Act Plays because in order to become a really good playwright, I need to make sure I stay on top of my game and write well, so this is helping me think of ideas or see what I may need to change in my writing. I’ve only read 3 of the plays so far. They touch on different subjects and definitely have a way about them or either make you think or question something. There’s a play in there called The Lottery–not one I’ve gotten to yet–but I’ll tell you a quick little story on that. I don’t know if this was a Lifetime movie or what, but I saw The Lottery movie when I was really young. If you don’t know what it is, basically you draw your name out of a lottery pot and if you are chosen, then you get stoned to death. Hence the reason I have only played the actual lottery once, and have stayed far, far away from it otherwise. I know it sounds crazy, but there are just some things that stick with you…and that is one that stuck with me.
I’m learning in Only Love is Real about regression therapy and how getting in touch with past lives and settling those issues help close the issues (fears) that you have today. I remember reading in a different book about this topic about being hypnotized and going back to experience those past lives to settle. I have plenty of flashbacks but nothing to this level, I mean, I want to do this regression therapy one day… so I can see what all happened in my past lives. I’ve been told my entire life that I’m an old soul, so that means that my soul has been recycled many many times, but to/from where? I also want to know what my purpose is of having a plethora of deja vu moments, premonition dreams and such. This book also talks about twin flames and the deep recognition and connection you feel with them. The wonder of how you feel you’ve known that person for your entire life, then you find out that they’ve been there the whole time. It’s based up on karmic solutions. I also love how the book (through patient’s memories) has described that souls are just that – souls find bodies to live in and recycle… that’s how you end up finding your twin flame eventually. Your hearts and souls have set out for that moment. A written contract each time you passed by one another in another lifetime…. that eventually, after all is said and done, you will be together.I love it, and cannot wait. That’s why I am doing some really hard work on myself right now, to catch up, so that I will be ready.
Last but not least.. I am so very thankful that I decided to use my free time wisely and be a part of the theatre for the past almost 4 years. Working as a stage manager has allowed me to develop so many qualities–ones that are more useful than jobs I’ve had. I love the work and organization that it takes, and the position it actually puts me in. Everyone wanted to know why I didn’t want to act. It’s not that I don’t, it’s that: 1) I had my own theory of where I wanted to start and 2) almost all of the plays we ever do are older characters and I never look older than a teenager. My theory was starting at the back and working towards the front. Stage manager first, writer / director / producer next in whatever order, helping with costumes / lights / sound / etc, then finally, being in the spotlight. When you work backstage – you see everything and how it all falls into place, what works, what doesn’t work – therefore, making one much stronger in writing plays and putting one ahead of those who don’t know all of the stage rules. I’m just so grateful.
I’m stating the fact above because I was able to make some important changes to my plays that I didn’t note before, and it was all because of my staying in the background and learning. On the other hand, this has also made me extremely bossy in my stage notes, and that may work for or against me when I turn these things in. Ha.
I’m out to read some more. Have a good one!